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November 1, 2012
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Carving Constellations

Thu Nov 1, 2012, 5:57 PM

Doctors carve out constellations,

stitch star maps into my skin,

a web of scars, a path to take

to find myself again.


My scars are sewn of haunted stars,

constellations but half-drawn;

ghosts of star-fire whispering words

that fade out with the dawn.


They took my rib from me,

ground it up, reformed it,

turned it into Eve;

made a girl with my own name:

a girl they say is me.


My fragile face now hers,

our spirit splintered,

she stands for nothing

I once stood for.


Deep scars fade

before their meanings are deciphered;

yet more maps unfold

to take their place.

Every new cut, every new stitch

remakes me into myself.


To secure my spine, they carved

the jutting gash of Cassiopeia.

Like her, I rose so high

Only to fall, so far.


Orion's belt holds the place

they carved my kidney,

three fainting lines;

you have another one, they said.


Corona Borealis adorns my calf

an angry crown of fingernail-made moons,

illumining my path.

Were I Ariadne, could I thread gold

through this labyrinth of wounds?

Would it lead me home?


Upon my solar plexus lies half of Ursa Minor;

I am handle without dipper.

But this new cut would be the key, I hoped,

To show me the way.

Still Polaris eludes me.


They severed Corvus from my foot,

but was the raven friend

or portend of death?

I wonder which of us,

myself or the girl with my name

shall survive?


Once, shattered glass around my hand

sliced binary stars into our knuckles

Eve smiled. "For now we are two."


Now Delta Cygni sleeps below my

two smallest fingers,

soft as a swan.

But even she cannot help me

to find the North Star,

to lead me back.


My shadow self cries out for light

my stars are yet too dim to find my way.


Doctors carve out constellations,

stitch star maps into my skin,

a web of scars, a path to take

to find myself again.


My scars are sewn of haunted stars

constellations but half-drawn;

ghosts of star-fire whispering words

that fade out with the dawn.



For =dreamsinstatic's Poetry Screams contest. Prompt: Haunted Star

Fixating on my wounds again
Pulling at my limbs just to see how far I bend
Pursuing every detail in my skin
I am self dissection and I cherish every pin

This genocide behind my eyes
Disposes of any piece that threatens to defy
It never rests shedding every useless thing
As I stretch towards complete autonomy...

I have forgotten
How it feels
To be clean and
To be just me
I am not lost I
Am just in hiding
To be held by time
And take back my life...

In Tenebris "Chrysalis"


I hope this isn't too confusing. I have a lot of physical scars. They bother me. My husband thinks this is silly, because they all tell interesting stories. He's right about that. I've realized that every scar I've gotten, since the first one, when they removed my rib and ground it up to make me a new backbone vertebrae to stabilize my bruised spinal cord, has essentially been gotten in an attempt to make me back into the person I was before I got the first scar. All these surgeries, procedures - they are all in pursuit of making me better, closer to the way, to the person, I was before. (Except for the last one - breaking a glass around my hand while trying to wash it was purely by accident but it is still a powerful scar - I look at it all the time, after all).

Anyway, I realized that a lot of my scars resemble constellations and so, this was born. With the help of such an eerily lovely prompt as "Haunted Star".

Thoughts?
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Daily Deviation

Given 2013-11-22
:iconspiderwebwisher:
SpiderwebWisher Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2014  Hobbyist Writer

Hello, I'm a contributor for LiteratureRoadtrip and you have been featured in this week's FRIDAY FEATURE Thank you! :heart:

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:iconthegalleryofeve:
TheGalleryOfEve Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Congratulations on your well-deserved DD!!! :iconflyingheartsplz::iconlainloveplz::iconflyingheartsplz: :clap::clap::clap:
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:iconjadamslh:
jadamslh Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2013
You tell of physical scars in terms which evoke a deeper kind; I was looking for that when you brought the constellations into your descriptions of your wounds.

The wounds which don't appear as asterisms on our skins are still visible in skies we see when we close our eyes.

I very much like your writing.

 


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:iconmaxtaf:
Maxtaf Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2013
You have a true gift with words. The way you describe your constellations sent shivers down my spine, and I could feel the pain in each verse.

I was quite startled to see the In Tenebris quote. As I was reading your poem, I had two songs that kept popping up in my mind, and that was one of them. The other being Breathe No More, by Evanescence.  I hope it doesn't offend, but I would truly love to hear your words put to music. I am in awe of the emotions you evoke with your words, and I think it would make a beautiful, unforgettable anthem. 

I hope you find your Polaris. Don't look for it in others, it lies within. 

Thank you for sharing.

Max
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:iconarcoty:
ARCoty Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2013  Hobbyist
woww just got the shiverssssss Noes! (still am as I write this). at some points I believe I got the urge to throw my laptop at the ground in defeat because this possesses such a spark of genius. so very beautifully done. 
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:iconpoeticperfectionist:
poeticperfectionist Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2013   Writer
I love poems with constellations in them ♥ You've used them beautifully good job!
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:iconmistressofquills:
MistressofQuills Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2013  Student Writer
OMG congratulations on the DD!!:squee: This is fantastic and well worth the DD!:heart:
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:iconcindaquilscreations:
CindaquilsCreations Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Beautiful. 
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:icondaghrgenzeen:
Daghrgenzeen Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This is magnificent. :rose: Congratulations on the well-deserved DD. :rose:
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:iconkeppalinn:
Keppalinn Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
O.O
This
Is
BRILLIANT!!
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