Take me back, take me back
save me please...
May 31st, 2011. Seven years.
I wanted this to be better. I've been working on it long enough, certainly. But maybe it's not supposed to be better. Maybe that's the point. I definitely went out of my comfort zone - normally you'd never see the words "gas station" in my poetry, as I'd be too worried it would mess up the imagery. Usually I don't let reality invade my poems much at all. But the point here was that even something as mundane as a gas station can be made beautiful. Did this work?
This poem is kind of a sequel to
Elegy Of A Lost Season
I am the fall.
Broken in June, buried in August -
haunting September from the boughs of hazel,
where not even the rain could reach me.
How my limbs ached to feel its soothing caress;
but my limbs felt nothing, and I felt nothing.
And the season moved on, without me.
Once, long ago, I was spring,
delicate and pure; fragile as willow seedlings,
believing themselves strong, as they stretch toward the sun -
before the wind breaks their stalks, and they fall
defeated, drained, limp upon the ground;
crushed and forgotten as tears.
But no, I was summer -
when I looked into your eyes for the first time
and forgot to curse the sun.
As per my new illustration policy, inspired by
here is a really lovely artwork that helped with inspiration to finish this poem. I kept thinking that Iris was a dawn goddess, rather than a rainbow goddess, so that's how I originally wrote it. Don't really care if the artwork technically corresponds or not - it does for me.
Submitted to the
prompt: Break of Dawn
Written for the
contest "Fixing Past Mistakes".
Submitted to the "What Have You Lost?" contest at
Also submitted to
's "Show Me You" contest. Deepest Desire.
Submitted to the
prompt: Two Worlds.
Critique would be awesome, if anyone is willing. Some questions:
1.) As I said further up, usually I don't let reality invade my poetry, especially with words like "gas station" or highway". Did I balance this out with the other imagery well enough, or did the realistic images jar you out of the poem too much?
2.) This is my first time using brackets and I was rather nervous about it. I kind of used them as a way to bring reality into the poem, so I didn't have to do it too much in the main text. Did this work? Should I take them out? If you just hate brackets in general, please mention that. I want to know if I at least used them correctly.
3.) The usual: word choice, flow, etc. Also, is it understandable? Do you get lost anywhere? What stanza was the strongest? The weakest? I would absolutely love to hear your interpretations.