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June 1, 2011
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Do you remember when Aurora
invoked dawn in the sky above us?
How we watched her colors spread
above the highway, the gas station - across the fields,
painting reality in vivid splendor
as we traversed its mundane streets
bathed in the frail whispers of possibility?

We disappeared into the trees
where we spilled our secrets,
let them echo in the early morning stillness
of the orchards; a murmured resonance
played to the tempo of our heartbeats.
We didn't even care when reality invaded
[in the form of an angry farmer]
and shooed us back into its clutches;
it could not break the spell.

Or the night we lost hours
in each others' eyes,
[you knew I was afraid of eye contact - too vulnerable; you changed that]
finding our way out only when the sun
cast his rays upon your face.
So we left behind the cover of night
and emerged into the light
of a new day.

Or the time
you let me drive your car
in high-heeled hiking boots.
[but only on the back roads, away from civilization]
When morning bloomed out of the horizon
I turned and saw the smile blossoming on your face
and sleep became unnecessary.
[at least until my eyes glued themselves shut, exhausted from staring in wonder]

Can you remember when dawn
was still magical?
I'm starting to forget.
Now she is a frequent guest
bringing with her nothing but bad news;
harbinger of the day that seeks
to strain our eyes, nearly as much
as our minds.

There is no longer anything new about day.

It is dusty, heavy and yet hollow
like long-forgotten furniture, abandoned
for fresher wares.
We ripple stagnant into the cloying air,
dissolving into shadows
that can never be recalled.

Day is filled with places
that could never comprehend
what we have lost,
clinging to all the while, in desperation:
our will, our strength, ourselves -
each other.
Light promises nothing to the broken -
it merely illuminates the cracks.

Nightfall conceals us:
our fear, our pain, our weakness -
even from ourselves.
We dive into obsidian depths,
lost beneath waves of starlight,
in blissful disconnect -
we are free.

Dusk became our refuge.
Deeply, we inhaled her mysteries
held them safe within our lungs,
exchanging ancient truths
with every kiss.
Now my breaths are shallow
as the life they sustain.
Will night become nothing more than a shelter -
devoid of all enchantments, looming in the dark?
Will her shadows hold only gloom, and space
as empty as my hours?

I long for the day
dawn will bleed our sorrows across the sky;
in brilliant colors and resplendent patterns;
and we will dance in the gossamer light of gathering hope
as the colors fade - swallowed, enveloped
in the light
of a new day.
Take me back, take me back
save me please...


May 31st, 2011. Seven years. :heart:



I wanted this to be better. I've been working on it long enough, certainly. But maybe it's not supposed to be better. Maybe that's the point. I definitely went out of my comfort zone - normally you'd never see the words "gas station" in my poetry, as I'd be too worried it would mess up the imagery. Usually I don't let reality invade my poems much at all. But the point here was that even something as mundane as a gas station can be made beautiful. Did this work?

This poem is kind of a sequel to
Elegy Of A Lost Season I am the fall.

Broken in June, buried in August -
haunting September from the boughs of hazel,
where not even the rain could reach me.
How my limbs ached to feel its soothing caress;
but my limbs felt nothing, and I felt nothing.
And the season moved on, without me.

Once, long ago, I was spring,
delicate and pure; fragile as willow seedlings,
believing themselves strong, as they stretch toward the sun -
before the wind breaks their stalks, and they fall
defeated, drained, limp upon the ground;
crushed and forgotten as tears.

But no, I was summer -
when I looked into your eyes for the first time
and forgot to curse the sun.

Tin



As per my new illustration policy, inspired by :icondalinksystem: here is a really lovely artwork that helped with inspiration to finish this poem. I kept thinking that Iris was a dawn goddess, rather than a rainbow goddess, so that's how I originally wrote it. Don't really care if the artwork technically corresponds or not - it does for me. :aww:

Entered into :iconweeklylitcontests: Opening Contest.


Submitted to the :iconrawem0tion: prompt: Break of Dawn


Written for the :iconpoets-and-warriors: contest "Fixing Past Mistakes".


Submitted to the "What Have You Lost?" contest at :iconscribes-are-beckoned:


Also submitted to :iconsketch7778:'s "Show Me You" contest. Deepest Desire.


Submitted to the :icondevlit: prompt: Two Worlds.


Critique would be awesome, if anyone is willing. Some questions:
1.) As I said further up, usually I don't let reality invade my poetry, especially with words like "gas station" or highway". Did I balance this out with the other imagery well enough, or did the realistic images jar you out of the poem too much?

2.) This is my first time using brackets and I was rather nervous about it. I kind of used them as a way to bring reality into the poem, so I didn't have to do it too much in the main text. Did this work? Should I take them out? If you just hate brackets in general, please mention that. I want to know if I at least used them correctly.

3.) The usual: word choice, flow, etc. Also, is it understandable? Do you get lost anywhere? What stanza was the strongest? The weakest?



I would absolutely love to hear your interpretations. :heart:
Add a Comment:
 
:iconangelofnight13:
AngelofNight13 Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This is a very beautiful peice of work.
"I long for the day
dawn will bleed our sorrows across the sky;
in brilliant colors and resplendent patterns;
and we will dance in the gossamer light of gathering hope
as the colors fade - swallowed, enveloped
in the light
of a new day"
I felt was the strongest stanza because the feeling was so deep and it made me think of things differently. I loved it
Reply
:iconladyofgaerdon:
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2012  Professional Writer
Thank you so much! That stanza and the first were the ones that were strongest in my mind when I started writing the poem, so I'm glad you thought it was strong. :)
Reply
:iconangelofnight13:
AngelofNight13 Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Your welcome! ^^
Reply
:iconlandminds:
Landminds Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This is a very interesting piece. It reminds me how much I enjoyed reading literature from ~19th century romanticism. These themes of nature, disillusionment, and necessity of change are close to me, and I'll definitely remember this one.
Reply
:iconladyofgaerdon:
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2012  Professional Writer
Ooh thank you so much! I love that this makes you think of that genre and time-frame, as it is one of my favorites. :)
Reply
:iconad-kins:
Ad-Kins Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2012
I'm so happy you won WLC! This is beautiful!
Reply
:iconladyofgaerdon:
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2012  Professional Writer
Aww thanks so much!
Reply
:icontonepainter:
tonepainter Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This is really excellent. Congrats on your well-deserved win of the #WeeklyLitContests opening contest!
Reply
:iconladyofgaerdon:
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2012  Professional Writer
Aww thank you! :)
Reply
:icontonepainter:
tonepainter Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh, and I meant to add, by all means let reality invade your poetry more often! Just don't let it ransack the place :D
Reply
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