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December 15, 2010
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Dreams. An odd word, isn't it? For it means two very different things. Dreams are your goals, your aspirations. They are also the visions that come to you in sleep. Why do we use the same word for them?

I am beginning to fear that my dreams are interfering with my dreams. I fear I may, in fact, be addicted to dreaming. I spend my life dreaming now, one or the other, asleep or awake: the two definitions wrestle with each other for control of me, like a rag doll, I am pulled back and forth, in and out, feeling nothing but stretched and shamed.

I am sick. I am damaged. I sleep. I truly think if I were to lie down right now and time was of no issue I could conceivably sleep forever. I am a warped sleeping beauty and this is no fairy tale. When I am awake, I never wish to sleep. For I know that the moment I do it will take me, and I will be at the mercy of my dreams. I will wrestle for sleep and it will fight me, but once it comes it will not let go, and I shall remain all day, dreaming, escaping. For in my dreams there is no chronic pain, there is no poverty. There is also no reward.

I have begun to feel pain in my dreams, something that is supposed to be an impossibility. Yet I do. Is this because more of my life is spent dreaming than awake? I often begin to tell someone what happened to me in my dreams last night, but I stop short. They won't understand, they won't see it like I do. Like I took a trip, like I'm recounting an anecdote. Because for me, dreams are the reality.

When I awake, the dream is of the utmost importance. I must recall it, must not let it go. But as I try to unravel its meaning, the tendrils of dreams dissolve around me like smoke. They don't make sense in this world. Once I dreamt that my soul was an apple. In my dreams, this made perfect sense. But when I awoke I was lost. I fear I may be in real danger of forgetting which is the dream. It takes me so long to come back to the world, back into myself, when I awake from dreaming. Most people spend seconds in that in-between place between dreaming and awake. I sometimes spend an hour. I used to love that place, used to hold onto it with all my strength. Now it holds fast to me.

Awake, I am lost in dreams of another sort. Endless planning, endless anticipation of a life I never do enough to achieve. I dream of being a writer, of making my world come alive. My waking moments are spent in the gardens of Gaerdon House, in the Forest of Firle. I want so desperately to make them real. To replace the maddening dreams that I cannot control with the beautiful ones that are at my command.

I beg you please, release me from these dreams - these lovely, fickle captors, drawing me in with false promises of a false life - and grant me my true dreams, the ones I live for when I break the chains of dreaming.
100% true, I'm sad to say. I would love your thoughts.

I guess this one goes along with these two, although this one is, I think, of higher quality and is written in first person.

[link]

[link]

This is NOT written from the perspective of my main character, Violet. It is written from my perspective, as the author. Though we do have much in common.

Submitted to the :iconrawem0tion: Theme: Reaching Your Goals.
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:iconmblameworthy:
MBlameworthy Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2012
I have always been with you, there in your dreams. I cannot help much, but know that I am also here when you come back. One foot in both worlds...... sometimes we need more feet....
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:iconladyofgaerdon:
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2012  Professional Writer
I love you Mommie. Thank you. One of these days I'm going to re-work this into poem form. Is it normal for people to lead completely separate lives in their dreams? I'm not sure it is...

And yes, we need more feet. Especially me. :)
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:iconalec4u:
Alec4U Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2011  Professional Writer
Rain, this piece of prose pretty much somes up all my current worries in life. Especially, in regards to the achieving the career that I desperately yearn for, becoming a professional writer, an author. Publication feels like an unattainable dream at the moment, yet it pains me to think of any other path as I am not sure that they can provide the happiness or satisfaction that I aspire to have. With the end of university looming my dreams are becoming nightmares and are filled with mediocrity that harrows me to my core and instantly makes me give up on life. Then I wake up. I have so many doubts and insecurities in life and in my own writing, especially on websites such as this where I am surrounded by equal and more talented writers who are also unpublished, it is hard to tell which is the dream and which is the nightmarish reality. The longer it takes it seems that goal only moves further away.

Anyway, I'm sorry about that, it is just that I found your thoughts on Dreams deeply and personally affecting. Please take that as a compliment because I am not easily moved. You have written this so elequently, so succinctly. I could not write it better if I tried, instead I'll favourite this and pin it to my deviantart wall.

Thank you,
Alec:
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:iconladyofgaerdon:
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2011  Professional Writer
I'm sorry to hear it sums up your current worried in life. :( But thank you very much for the compliments. :)

Being a professional writer is a hard thing to achieve, but I know it's what I want, it's all I've really ever wanted career-wise and I'm not going to give up on it. I don't think you should either. You might have to have a "day-job" in the meantime of course, but you could aim for something that might get you connections and/or experience.

When I first arrived here I was overwhelmed too. You have to remember that a lot of writers here either are actually published, have no interest in being published, or else could be published but haven't tried yet. Not to be a snob, but I think I'm probably in that last category. I think if I put in the time and effort I could at least have some poems or something published in online magazines, but it's not where my focus is, so I don't do it.
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:iconreinahw:
ReinaHW Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2011   Writer
I try not to sleep because of my nightmares of the abuse I suffered in my childhood. I rarely look forward to sleep.
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:iconarvenaperedhel:
ArvenaPeredhel Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
I like your writing style... this almost sounds like something out of The Sandman, which in my book is always good.

On your subject matter - I understand and empathize. I spend my own days dreaming of what I would rather do, and what I want the world to be. For me it isn't something I can control. I need to be somewhere else, and so few people understand that.
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:iconladyofgaerdon:
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2011  Professional Writer
I understand that all too well. Glad you like my writing style. :)
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:iconyuzu2395:
Yuzu2395 Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2010  Student Traditional Artist
hmmm . . .well i used to do tht alot, but once i wrote it down, me being in a dream land was no more,my eyes weren't clouded with terrible nightmares anymore,just me moving on from it, hopefully u could do the same :]
also very nice poem
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:iconladyofgaerdon:
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2010  Professional Writer
Interesting. I've thought about keeping a dream journal, but I can never hold onto them long enough! I could try harder, I suppose. I'm glad you liked it. :)
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:iconyuzu2395:
Yuzu2395 Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2010  Student Traditional Artist
:]
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