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Literature
Fire and Ice
You are Ice. You are clear, beautiful and you shine in the sun. I know what to expect from you because I can see through you to the bottom. You hold me from the dangerous water beneath. But I worry that if I lean on you, you'll break and let me fall.
He is Fire. He brings light to the darkness. He is unpredictable and if I get too close he burns me. But his warmth embraces me, comforts me; as long as I stay a reasonable distance away. One day I hope I will be able to face the heat straight-on and walk into the heart of his burning flame.
You had your icy fingers wrapped so tightly around my heart, I felt as though it would never beat again
Literature
Tales of the Forbidden
Prologue
Bitter winds ripped sands across the gritty desert plain, covering the fallen warriors and plaguing the living. It bit into bleeding flesh, stinging the injuries of people conscious enough to care. A wounded man clad in tattered white robes stood in the center, amongst those not yet fallen.
The stench of rotten flesh infested his nostrils; fighters who fell early enough for the scorching sun to hasten their decay. Others fought well into the night. They battled for survival and revenge for their fallen comrades. The sand beneath his bare feet caressed his skin, coloring crimson as blood trailed from many wounds and soaked into it.
Literature
I still love you
Though you may have broken my heart,
I still love you.
Though you may have hurt me,
I still love you.
Though I'm angry with you,
I still love you.
With all of my heart.
To me, you're perfect in every way.
Your angelic voice
Your caring nature
Your gorgeous blue eyes
Your sensitivity
Your funny disposition
Your helpfulness
Your scent
Your touch
The way you loved and cared for me
You're amazing.
And yes I am suffering without you,
But it was worth it just to be with you.
You silly foolish boy,
I still love you.
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How To Read This Song
This is a love song between my two main characters and they're both singing it. Everything in italics is sung by Violet, the girl, and everything in bold is sung by Raven, the guy. Everything in normal text (ie the chorus) is both of them singing.
**************************************************
Okay, now that we've got that down, go read it and tell me what you think. Back? Okay then. Did you like it? For some context, both characters are mages. Raven controls ice and Violet controls fire. The story climaxes in winter. Their hands are scarred due to magic used against them.
General feedback: I worked on this FOREVER. It's not perfect, but I'm satisfied with it for now and wanted to share. But please, suggest/critique me if you wish. I'm pretty sure lyrics aren't supposed to have punctuation, or am I wrong? Do you see places where I could have used a better word? Places where the flow is interrupted?
I really love feedback, so don't be shy.
Violet & Raven are characters in my book series.
This is a love song between my two main characters and they're both singing it. Everything in italics is sung by Violet, the girl, and everything in bold is sung by Raven, the guy. Everything in normal text (ie the chorus) is both of them singing.
**************************************************
Okay, now that we've got that down, go read it and tell me what you think. Back? Okay then. Did you like it? For some context, both characters are mages. Raven controls ice and Violet controls fire. The story climaxes in winter. Their hands are scarred due to magic used against them.
General feedback: I worked on this FOREVER. It's not perfect, but I'm satisfied with it for now and wanted to share. But please, suggest/critique me if you wish. I'm pretty sure lyrics aren't supposed to have punctuation, or am I wrong? Do you see places where I could have used a better word? Places where the flow is interrupted?
I really love feedback, so don't be shy.
Violet & Raven are characters in my book series.
Comments64
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Wow. I've never tried to write love songs (or love poetry). I'm curious if you have a tune in your head when you read this? Whether it's a real song or your own creation, I don't really care. I'm amazed you could get something like this written.
You're missing an 's' on the second chorus' first line, but other than that this looks good. Form-wise, though I'm no specialist, Raven's first stanza is a little off... not sure if you could fix it to match the pattern of Vie's first stanza, say. Not that it's necessary, but from a form standpoint it looks out of place. I like that you change it up with a "bridge" section of shorter phrases for each singer, and you've got a good bit of detail in there from your story.
I'm not entirely sure this would make sense to someone who doesn't know your novel, but that's just me. If they don't, it might come off as kinda depressing, since there's so much wintry, icy, cold dialogue and then there's the mention of scars and such. Not that this is necessarily a bad thing, but I don't know if it'll earn you the prize in the various contests you've entered it in.
Sorry, I can't think of anything else. But I should reiterate that I like it, and I'm very impressed. I don't think I could do something like this with any of my characters or stories.
~Marie