ShopDreamUp AI ArtDreamUp
LadyofGaerdon has limited the viewing of this artwork to members of the DeviantArt community only.
You can log in or become a member for FREE.
Deviation Actions
Literature
The Healer
He takes my heart in his hand,
And a stitching needle in the other.
He's stitching up the scars,
And making me feel better.
He's gluing up the cracks,
And healing the wounds.
So my heart can feel again,
And love him more.
He teaches me how to love,
Without having to fear.
And when my heart needs repairing,
He's quick to take care of it.
He puts the pieces back on,
When my heart has been shattered.
He takes care of my fragile heart,
Especially when it needs it most.
And most of the time,
He's completely unaware that he's doing it.
Literature
Fade into Written Word
Fade in lines of written word,
disappear betwixt prose and rhyme.
Summon stories of stardust's song
and find fables of forgotten times.
Disappear from harsh reality,
seeking lettered escape.
Twisting lines into melodies,
leaving the long lost agape.
Whispering wishes of wanderlust,
daring dreams of dancing,
gushes of grace's grandeur
with the beauty blushing brings.
Let's fade in lines of written word,
disappear betwixt prose and rhyme.
Summon stories of stardust's song
and find fables of forgotten times.
Literature
Fire and Ice
You are Ice. You are clear, beautiful and you shine in the sun. I know what to expect from you because I can see through you to the bottom. You hold me from the dangerous water beneath. But I worry that if I lean on you, you'll break and let me fall.
He is Fire. He brings light to the darkness. He is unpredictable and if I get too close he burns me. But his warmth embraces me, comforts me; as long as I stay a reasonable distance away. One day I hope I will be able to face the heat straight-on and walk into the heart of his burning flame.
You had your icy fingers wrapped so tightly around my heart, I felt as though it would never beat again
Suggested Collections
Featured in Groups
How To Read This Song
This is a love song between my two main characters and they're both singing it. Everything in italics is sung by Violet, the girl, and everything in bold is sung by Raven, the guy. Everything in normal text (ie the chorus) is both of them singing.
**************************************************
Okay, now that we've got that down, go read it and tell me what you think. Back? Okay then. Did you like it? For some context, both characters are mages. Raven controls ice and Violet controls fire. The story climaxes in winter. Their hands are scarred due to magic used against them.
General feedback: I worked on this FOREVER. It's not perfect, but I'm satisfied with it for now and wanted to share. But please, suggest/critique me if you wish. I'm pretty sure lyrics aren't supposed to have punctuation, or am I wrong? Do you see places where I could have used a better word? Places where the flow is interrupted?
I really love feedback, so don't be shy.
Violet & Raven are characters in my book series.
This is a love song between my two main characters and they're both singing it. Everything in italics is sung by Violet, the girl, and everything in bold is sung by Raven, the guy. Everything in normal text (ie the chorus) is both of them singing.
**************************************************
Okay, now that we've got that down, go read it and tell me what you think. Back? Okay then. Did you like it? For some context, both characters are mages. Raven controls ice and Violet controls fire. The story climaxes in winter. Their hands are scarred due to magic used against them.
General feedback: I worked on this FOREVER. It's not perfect, but I'm satisfied with it for now and wanted to share. But please, suggest/critique me if you wish. I'm pretty sure lyrics aren't supposed to have punctuation, or am I wrong? Do you see places where I could have used a better word? Places where the flow is interrupted?
I really love feedback, so don't be shy.
Violet & Raven are characters in my book series.
Comments64
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Overall
Vision
Originality
Technique
Impact
Wow. I've never tried to write love songs (or love poetry). I'm curious if you have a tune in your head when you read this? Whether it's a real song or your own creation, I don't really care. I'm amazed you could get something like this written.
You're missing an 's' on the second chorus' first line, but other than that this looks good. Form-wise, though I'm no specialist, Raven's first stanza is a little off... not sure if you could fix it to match the pattern of Vie's first stanza, say. Not that it's necessary, but from a form standpoint it looks out of place. I like that you change it up with a "bridge" section of shorter phrases for each singer, and you've got a good bit of detail in there from your story.
I'm not entirely sure this would make sense to someone who doesn't know your novel, but that's just me. If they don't, it might come off as kinda depressing, since there's so much wintry, icy, cold dialogue and then there's the mention of scars and such. Not that this is necessarily a bad thing, but I don't know if it'll earn you the prize in the various contests you've entered it in.
Sorry, I can't think of anything else. But I should reiterate that I like it, and I'm very impressed. I don't think I could do something like this with any of my characters or stories.
~Marie