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October 12, 2012
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The Promise

Journal Entry: Fri Oct 12, 2012, 8:09 PM
You promised me, my love, you see, and I shall not forget.
We climbed the tower stairs as the bell solemnly chimed.
"If life forbids our love, then in death we shall wed."

You took my hand, we kissed our last, and off the edge we stepped.
But you let go, so I alone, plunged into the night.
But you promised me, my love, you see, and I shall not forget.

So I wait for you now, my love, for I know you must regret
Your eyes were flick'ring candles as you watched me die.
"If life forbids our love, then in death we shall wed."

You'll see me there again, some night, waiting by the tower steps.
You'll take my hand, I'll lead you up, up into the sky.
You promised me, my love, you see, and I shall not forget.

The bell will toll an exaltation, before we paint the ground deep red.
I'll whisper back the words you spoke upon our midnight flight:
"If life forbids our love, then in death we shall wed."

I'll ghost a kiss across your lips, to steal your final breath
Then look into your candle-eyes, and smile like a scythe.
You promised me, my love, you see, and I shall not forget:
"If life forbids our love, then in death we shall wed."










For =dreamsinstatic's awesome Poetry Screams contest. Prompt: Smile like a Scythe & In The Glow of Candlelit Eyes.

I used the second prompt more subtly, but I wanted to convey that she was Smile Like a Scythe and he was Candlelit Eyes.

Anyway. This poem is a villanelle, which is not as easy form to pull off but it was a fun challenge. The story itself is based on a legend around where I live - near Gettysburg, Pennsylvania. The story goes that there were two lovers whose families would not permit them to be together. So they made a pact, to both jump from the top of the bell tower at Gettysburg College. But at the last minute, the boy didn't jump, though the girl did, and died. Legend tells that the ghost of the young woman still haunts the bell tower, enticing young men to follow her up the tower steps, and to their death. I never saw her as a vindictive spirit - she is simply trying to find her lost lover, reborn, so that he can fulfill the promise he made her.

Thoughts?

:icondalinksystem: This image always makes me think of Gettysburg and its many ghosts.
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:iconserel:
serel Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
I find this a very "nice" read, as long as you call a tragic story like this nice. What I mean is that it is vey good to read, the flow, rhythm and repetition of words fit really well and create a consisting and fitting atmosphere.
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:iconangelichope:
angelichope Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2012
Very beautifully dark and tragic!:)
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:iconmierren:
Mierren Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
i felt like i was watching your words play out. and it was really good. nice job
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:iconladyofgaerdon:
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012  Professional Writer
Thank you so much. :)
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:icondanikamilles:
DanikaMilles Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Crazy. I was super shocked when I read he didn't jumped with her! It was like watching a movie!

There was only one thing that came across my mind. For some reason I kept reading this line:

But you let go, and so, alone, I plunged into the night.

As this: But you let go, and so I alone, plunged into the night.

For some reason that reads better to me, but at the same time I do not know the rules of flow of a villanelle.

The only other line that seemed odd to me was: You'll see me there again, some night, waiting by the tower steps

I don't know the some night part just seems out of place to me. It goes but it doesn't...I am not sure what it is...maybe it is just me.

Great work though. I really liked it.
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:iconladyofgaerdon:
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2012  Professional Writer
Thank so much!

Ooh, I like that much better - But you let go, and so, alone, I plunged into the night. Thanks! :D

As for the tower steps line, I can try to fiddle around with it, but I can't think of how to right now. :hmm:

Thanks so much for your feedback! :tighthug:
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:icondanikamilles:
DanikaMilles Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
You're welcome. :)

Yeah not sure about the tower thing either.

:D
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:iconsubjugatedsandwich:
SubjugatedSandwich Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This was amazing! A very sad story although even as I was reading I still felt that it was a vindictive spirit(probably just because that's what would immediately appeal to me).
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:iconladyofgaerdon:
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2012  Professional Writer
Thank you! I suppose many would see her as a vindictive spirit - I just sympathize with her.
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:icondreamsinstatic:
dreamsinstatic Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2012
Thanks for your entry and good luck!
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