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December 19, 2011
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Tomorrow I'll Be You

Journal Entry: Mon Dec 19, 2011, 4:52 PM

You're twenty-five tomorrow and I miss you.

I'm twenty-four and I'm lost in your wake, yet again;

you were always ahead of me, one way or another.

I was glad you were eleven days ahead of me.

Twenty-five terrifies me even more than twenty-four,

and I shudder and shiver and wish that the cold outside would freeze me in place,

freeze time, until I can find my way back:

to you,

to me,

to seventeen.

But the treacherous sun will rise despite me, and the comforting night 

I surround myself with, begging it to remain, will abandon me

slowly, as I did you.

The day wakes and you are twenty-five.

I know it's coming for me, this number I dread.

I don't want it. I don't want any of it. Words are my salvation, not numbers. 

Numbers are my cage.

I always knew I could make it if you could.

But this year you are twenty-five and I am not there to see it.

I know you've made it anyway. Of course you have -

you're you, after all. They say that I am strong, but I am 

crumbling rock compared to you -

strong, yes, but riddled with cracks - each piece individually strong, 

but so hard to keep connected to the whole.

You are impenetrable marble, as strong as you are shining. 

I idolize you, you know. You always thought that was silly, 

but you never tried to stop me.

Will you think of me, when you are twenty-five and eleven days? 

Will you forget me, push me from your mind?

Will you remember when I was more than

leaden bones and frozen thoughts - when I was still in motion,

in mind and body both?

Break my heart, I beg you. 

Crush it. 

Curse it.

Bleed it dry.

Just keep it, and don't give it back.

The miles are adding up
the days are counting down...

I'm calling from your house
In your room
In your name
Lying in your bed
Following your dreams
I listen to your voice get caught in my throat
As I sing
"This is just a dream" on a New Year's Day
We will change back to ourselves
In the flame
We are cured
We are cured
We are cured...

- Thursday "Tomorrow I'll Be You". [link]

It's a lie, of course. I'm her already. But that doesn't make it any easier that I don't talk to her anymore.

This is pretty raw, I know. I just had to get it out.
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UntamedUnwanted Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is so stunning, my dear. I love how you have used ages to describe indescribable emotions. Thank you for sharing.
innocencedied2nite Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2012  Student Writer
This really spoke to me. I wish I could say more, but you have left me rather speechless. Sincere and heartfelt words, spoken like someone who has really been there.
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2012  Professional Writer
Thank you so much! I'm happy you read and liked the poem. And I certainly have been there, so I'm glad that show through. :)
innocencedied2nite Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2012  Student Writer
:heart: You're very welcome.
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2012  Professional Writer
HoshisamaValmor Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2012
I've attempted to write a similar piece to this, talking to a younger self, and it was quite the experience.

The desperation was indeed palpable. Normally I don't envision the one-day-to-another passing of age, I just think it's meaningless considering how it's the difference of a single simple day, but you made me consider it otherwise. And not that I think about it, 1 day can be more important than anything; 1 single minute can be lifechanging, and so it can be considering the aging from one age to another.
MoonlightWillow6 Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2012   Writer
I really liked the desperate tone to this, it definitely left an impact. :heart: Beautiful.
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2012  Professional Writer
Desperation is exactly how I feel about it. I'm glad that came through. Thank you. And thank you for the :+fav:
Fluffysminion Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
:hug: That was very moving, a powerful lie, if half the truth.
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2012  Professional Writer
Thank you. As long as it was moving, I suppose it was truth. :hug:
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