I don't really understand this, but I like it nonetheless. I assume it's a very fragmented self-portrait. Even though I don't understand it, I don't necessarily think that means it is too cryptic. Sometimes I just don't understand. I feel like a lot of the strength of this poem is in how cryptic it is. Isn't it supposed to be that way? I am nosy by nature, and so I naturally wish I understood it better, but I do think it's a better poem because it is cryptic.

The voice sounds more hopeful than crestfallen, certainly. I do really like the formatting - it forces the reader to slow down, which I think is a good thing, since the language is so dense and the imagery so rich. I do find it vivid, but not overwhelming. I also think the length is fine, and none of the lines are trite.